Teen girls see sex assaults as ‘normal,’ educator says

A growing number of teenage girls view sexual harassment and even assault as “normal,” says a top Toronto school board official.
Gerry Connelly described the “new normal” phenomenon during her keynote address at the annual Safe Schools Conference in Toronto today.
“A young girl will see somebody being pushed against a locker and fondled inappropriately, or they are being touched inappropriately and they say: ‘Well that’s just the way it is,’” said Ms. Connelly, director of education at the Toronto District School Board.

“Well folks, that’s not acceptable, but our young girls are treating it like it is acceptable and we have to address that.”
The Toronto school safety report released last month found that “sexual assault and sexual harassment are prevalent in TDSB schools.”
According to a survey conducted at one North York high school, 33% of students surveyed reported being sexually harassed in the school over the past two years. Twenty-nine per cent reported being the victim of unwanted sexual contact, including touching or grabbing at their school, and 29 female students or 7% of respondents reported being the victim of a major sexual assault at their school.
Another report on sexual harassment at 23 Ontario schools by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health showed that 30% of Grade 9 girls and 28% of Grade 11 girls reported having been touched, grabbed or pinched in a sexual way.
The panel behind the school safety report, led by human rights lawyer Julian Falconer, said more must be done to encourage students to report all incidents of violence, and urged a sexual assault and gender-based violence prevention strategy at the TDSB.

Ms. Connelly said she was disturbed to learn that 80% of TDSB students said they would not talk to teachers or police about crimes they witnessed or experienced.
“Why? You’ve heard the expression: snitches get stitches,” she said told the audience, which included educators, social workers and police officers.
But students also worry that if they tell, their parents will forbid them from associating with certain peers or force them to switch schools, said Ms. Connelly. Many students do not trust police, she said.

Some schools have “safe rooms” where female students can talk freely about their feelings. But more must be done to create more welcoming environments that combat the “code of silence” that appears to be fostering gender-based violence directed at girls, said Ms. Connelly, who cited figures from the CAMH study and a TDSB survey that showed the troubling rate of sexual harassment and assault in schools.
For example, 21% of surveyed TDSB students said they knew at least one student who had been sexually assaulted at school over the past two years.
“It’s a phenomenon across Canada, and it’s a phenomenon that is not well researched or understood,” said Ms. Connelly.

Ontario’s education minister today announced a team of safety and education experts will examine the causes of sexual harassment, homophobia and gender-based violence and draw up recommendations to prevent the behaviours.
The Canadian Safe School Network, which put on the conference, is developing a program that addresses sexuality and unhealthy relationships among girls in Grades 6 to 10. Pauline Auty, a former guidance counselor who is part of the network, detailed some of the shocking revelations in focus groups across the province, including some from mothers as young as 12 and 13 years old. “We don’t know how to have a healthy relationship,” the girls told her. “We just know what feels good.” The children also distinguish between relationships between their friends and relationships between adults. “They think it’s OK for kids to sleep around, as long as they don’t tell (but they think) it’s not OK for adults,” said Ms. Auty.
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source: The National Post

The emotional trauma of early teen sex

The pressure to have sex is one of the major issues that have plagued teenagers for decades. With hormones raging and peer pressure the urge for sexual exploration will increase. Some will give into the urge but they should consider both the physical risk and emotional turmoil.

Often, parents dread the very thought, let alone the knowledge, that their little girl or boy is having sex. However, it is important that parents put aside their fears and deal with the reality and give them 'the birds-and-bees talk' at an ideal age.

Marcus Williams, a father of two boys and two girls, said he had the talk with his girls when they were 14 years old. "My opening statement was, 'I don't grow grandchildren, they visit me'."

He said he does not talk to them about protection. Rather he believes in abstinence. He told them that education opens many doors and that should be their focus.

"I told them not to give in to peer pressure and they must not be afraid to come to me or their mother for advice."

He notes that he made sure that the types of friends they keep have positive values and are well mannered. Plus, when it comes to sleepovers, he ensures that their friends' parents are people who he is comfortable with.

He told Flair that as it relates to the boys he gives them the talk at 16 years old. He uses the same opening statement. However, he said he does not focus on abstinence, but on protection. "I let them know it is not just about protecting themselves from becoming a father but also protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs)."

Homosexuals

He notes that he does not come down on the boys too hard if they are sexually active before the talk because they might go the other way and his major concern is that they not become homosexuals.

Fathers more protective

Sex therapist, Dr. Sidney McGill, advises that fathers tend to be more protective than mothers, especially of the girls, and often advocate abstinence.

He said that one has to look at the reasons other than teens libido why they want to have sex so early. Is it because of peer pressure? If not, is it depression? Or are there relationship problems with parents?

"If a teen is sexually active, then the implication of sex, even safe sex, may not prevent STIs," said Dr. McGill. In a sexual relationship, one has to make an emotional investment and adolescents are not good at coping with the complexities of such a relationship. He said that kind of relationship would open a world that exposes them to the potential of getting hurt.

He further stated that teens usually have to cope with academics and extra-curricular activities and entering in a sexual relationship can add more stress. Instead of parents telling their children whether or not to have sex, Dr. McGill said, "They should supervise the kind of friends they keep. Plus, cultivate an open-door policy with them so they feel free to discuss anything with you. The fact is that children need the emotional experience of their parents.